A House Assessment
by fluffy2001
Summary: House is forced by Cuddy to do performance reviews on all the ducklings after it is discovered that Chase’s fellowship has expired. Each chapter features a different review.
1. Review time

**Authors note: I do not own any of these characters. I'm just having fun!**

**Takes place somewhere in between Forever and No Reason. I got this idea while reading speculation in one of the House boards as to what happens when the fellowships end. This is how I picture it done. **

She did this to him all the time, but for some reason House wasn't in the mood today. His leg hurt. Okay, it always hurt. He was just more irritable than usual. Nothing made him crankier than being ordered to Cuddy's office first thing in the morning. He didn't even get to harass the ducklings over morning coffee yet.

"You need to be a little more discrete with your booty calls." House told Cuddy as he entered her office. "If you wanted me that badly, you could have left me a private voice mail instead of leaving a message with Cameron. The kids are getting suspicious."

"Good morning to you too Dr. House." Cuddy was not at all phased by his unpleasant demeanor. "You have an urgent matter you have to deal with. I need performance reviews on your staff in writing by yesterday."

House plunked down in a chair and threw his arms up in the air. "Oh, come on, you can do better than that. At least you could have invented a sick patient or something to make it look important."

"This is very important," she said sternly.

"I have never done them before. Why should I start now? Must be consistent with my half-assed management skills." An annoyed House grabbed for his bottle of pills and popped a vicodin. He had one on the way in, but she pushed him into another.

"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago, if I remember the quote correctly. Nice try, but it won't work."

"Oh, you tease." House said with a fake laugh. "Your daddy must of been a drug dealer 'cause you're dope."

"One of your doctors isn't supposed to be working here anymore. While reviewing staff files I noticed Dr. Chase's fellowship expired two months ago. Luckily I was able to back date a 3 month extension, which gives all involved a few weeks to make some decisions."

House flashed fake look of surprise on his face. "It expired and he didn't tell me? Never trust an Aussie. Once a criminal always a criminal."

"A great point to bring up in his review. I want completed and detailed evaluations for your entire team on my desk in one week or I end up writing your review. Maybe I can make Chase your boss this time since we might have to find something for him."

"Why everyone? Why can't I only do Chase's? I should be able to sum up his entire performance in three words."

"Notice how I mentioned the word detailed? Use the standard form." Cuddy handed him a packet of papers. "Cameron's fellowship expires in four months and unlike Chase she might want a chance to plan her future. As for Foreman, we don't want him to feel left out."

"No problem. I'll have them done in no time." House changed his attitude to complete compliance. She was bothering him too much and he wanted out of there.

"No more arguments? Come on, you have to make this at least a little interesting. I have plenty more zingers to offer."

"Sorry to disappoint you. Apparently I have a lot of work to do." House got up to leave.

As House was leaving Cuddy advised, "You also have to setup one on one meetings to verbally go through the evaluations so they can ask questions. I have a feeling they are going to be rather blindsided. I need a signature from each one of them that they received and understood their review."

"Administrators and their power trips. I'm going to tell them to hate you when I'm done since I was forced into this." House quipped as he walked out the door.

"They know better!" Cuddy shouted back.

-------------------------------------------------

House ran into Wilson who saw him coming out of Cuddy's office.

"Another personal House call?" Wilson asked with a dead pan delivery. "No pun intended."

"I have a week to write performance evaluations for my staff." House glumly announced.

"Oh what a shame to actually telling the underlings that they might have some worth. I would think you would want to jump at the chance to cut them down to size. You know, the abuse of power complex that so gives you the will to live."

"What kind of a boss do you think I am? Breaking one's spirit through written words is so impersonal. I like verbal abuse much better. It is the best way to let them know I care." House then put his kidding aside to make a serious point. "No, this time what I say actually counts, for Chase anyway. His fellowship is up."

"I figured that ended a while ago and you took care of it. Hasn't he has been with you for over two years?" Wilson asked.

"Two years, 2 months, 3 days, 1 hour and 36 minutes." House said as he looked at his watch.

"You knew and didn't say anything to Cuddy or Chase? Maybe a comment like, 'Oh, let's figure out your future role before it's too late so you don't get gouged thousands for that last minute fare back to Australia?"

"He'd never go back home. If the government can't kick out the millions of illegal farm workers and housekeepers that don't speak our language and consume all our resources, they aren't going to toss a hot young doctor with gorgeous eyes and a puppy dog look. The down under accent really drives them wild."

"Why must you review Foreman and Cameron?" Wilson asked.

"Probably because I haven't done reviews since they have worked for me. You know, been busy." House answered in the 'can't be bothered with the trivial stuff' tone.

"Yeah, important doctor stuff, circle of life thing, right? Heard it before."

"Remind me to taunt you needlessly when you have to review your staff. Now go away, I have too much work to do."

"Cameron, I need you to write up a summary on what kind of doctors you think Chase and Foreman are," House instructed as he entered his office. "Give or take 500 words for each. Also, write a comment about yourself while you are at it."

"Cuddy already told us about the evaluations. She figured you would try that." Cameron quickly rebuked. "What's so hard about writing down all the insults you give us on a daily basis? Forget how to type?"

"Trust me you don't want to get a review from me. I'll make you cry."

"I need some sort of input on my job performance. Maybe some validation for getting out of bed each morning." Cameron argued.

"Patients not dying should be your best clue. You don't need anymore than that."

Chase and Foreman walked into the office listening to the words House and Cameron were sharing.

"Foreman, you are a realist. Tell her that if the patients are happy, I'm happy."

"House, you are never happy." Foreman replied. "I want my review too."

"Come on Chase, if there was ever a time to suck up it would be now."

"I'm damned if I do, so I'll just stay quiet." Chase replied squeamishly.

"Okay, since you are going to be such a martyr, you get my clinic hours today while I try to write these damn reviews." House said pointing to Chase. "Make sure you treat the patients well or it will be reflected in your evaluation. Speaking of which, this week I will accept any bribes and tokens of generosity. I assure that any act will not go unkindly."

The ducklings all looked at him with disdain and walked off. Apparently House wasn't going to get any favors from them today.

-------------------------------

"We need to compare notes." Cameron suggested to Foreman and Chase as they gathered in the conference room.

"Are you crazy? Performance reviews were meant to be confidential." Chase protested.

"What's the matter Chase, you afraid of showing us what House thinks of you?" Foreman joined Cameron in her prodding.

"No, okay yes. I take enough abuse from him in front of both of you. I don't need a scathing written review to add to the already believed perception that I'm a complete incompetent."

"Oh come on Chase, we are a team." Cameron was amused by his fear. "We need to boost each other up when House kicks us down."

"Don't give me that." Chase was surprised by such a naïve statement. "You are just looking for personal information to gossip about. Since when have we ever used comments from House to boost one another?"

"I think you have something to hide." Cameron said with a wicked smile. "What say Foreman, you in?"

"Sure, I'm not afraid of revealing anything House has to say."

"You can't be serious!" Chase uttered in his thick Australian accent. "You really want to do this?"

"Come on Chase, you are the only stick in the mud." Cameron teased.

Chase looked at them both. "Oh, what the bloody hell. It won't matter once House's comments force me to beg other hospitals for work."

"It can't be that bad." Foreman thought he was being overly dramatic.

"Yes it can. My fellowship ended two months ago."

"That wasn't extended or taken care of?" Cameron was rather shocked. "They just let you continue?"

"I'm sure it was an oversight, which is why this is happening now. Cuddy probably figured it out." Chase replied in speculation.

Foreman started to laugh and slapped Chase on the shoulder. "Oh boy, you are in trouble. I think showing us your review is the least of your worries."

Cameron and Foreman walked away, leaving Chase to quietly agree with that statement. He was in deep trouble.


	2. Foreman

House sat mesmerized by the illuminated screen. The boilerplate form that wretched of hospital bureaucracy offered a somewhat attractive font and layout, but its content was as dull as one of Wilson's oncology lectures. He typed a sentence into the computer, but got disgusted with the wording and stopped. He rolled his chair over to the other end of the desk, grabbed his BOUO and started tossing it around. After five minutes that ritual wasn't helping, so he went back and typed another sentence. _What a useless waste of my time_. He pulled out the ipod, hit the play button, kicked up his feet and leaned back to enjoy.

"I see you will likely be giving reviews through osmosis. Interesting strategy." Wilson said as he walked in.

"This form reeks of red tape and incompetence." House turned off the ipod but stayed in his relaxed position. "I'm supposed to rate progress with skills they had when they started working for me. Their specialty skills were top notch when they joined my team so what needs to be improved? How in the world do I quantify the subjective matter of diagnosis? It is like critiquing art."

"Oh, that will go over well with Cuddy. 'Dr. Cameron is a luminous piece, pristine in her elegance yet prickly in her texture and nature.'" Wilson cheekily observed.

House laughed. "You see, you should be doing these instead of me. Not that this form encourages any type of creativity, and I'm going to have to be very creative to pull this off."

"You'll figure out something. You always do since you have that nice lack of respect for rules going for you. The question is how much can you irk Cuddy in the process?"

"The question is how can I rate individual performances in a subjective field when their accomplishments are as a team? I chose them specifically because of each one of the skills they brought to the table. If any of those elements are missing or lacking, it doesn't work." House was easily frustrated by this forced task.

"Do you have specific examples on when it didn't work?" Wilson asked.

"Not really because they are so good at covering for each other. When one falls behind, another will pick it up."

"Then bring up the weak link that each provide. I'm sure there are plenty of situations where you would have liked to have seen any of them act differently. I wouldn't bring up anything for spite though, even though I'm sure that is taking all of the fun out of the process for you."

House abruptly popped out of his relaxed position and sat behind the desk with an evil smile on his face. "Why Dr. Wilson, how did you get to be so smart? Okay, I have ideas. Get out of here so I don't forget them."

----------------------------------------------------------

Cameron and Chase started to administer new meds to their latest patient. Cameron had something on her mind and as usual thought this was the right time to talk. "Chase, how worried are you about the performance reviews?"

"Not worried at all," he replied while still focused on getting the IV ready for the patient.

"Liar. Come on, your future is at stake here."

"I like what I'm doing under House and feel like I'm actually part of something. But if I can't do this anymore, I have plenty of other options."

"Do any of those other options exist back in Australia?"

"No. There is nothing back there for me. I have gotten too comfortable with the American lifestyle. However, if I can't find a suitable position, the INS might have other plans."

"Your status is tied to your employment and not a time frame?"

"Yep."

Cameron stayed silent for a minute and decided to break the mood with something else. "So, do women really glow and men plunder in the land down under?"

"You'll have to go to Australia and find out. I'm not allowed to tell." Chase said with a smile.

"So you're really not worried?"

"Nope."

----------------------------------------------------

"Who's up first?" Wilson asked as he sat in House's office. Today was the first scheduled evaluation.

"Foreman. I figured I'd get the easy one of the way first."

"His was the easiest? Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You can't do Cameron's without stopping yourself from writing comments that will get you in trouble for sexual harassment, and I'm sure all the negative things you have to say about Chase will take a while to write down."

"There, you see, as I told you before, you should have written them. You have my staff figured out better than I do. You probably would be nicer too. Cuddy is risking three careers by forcing me do this."

"I'm sure anything that has your name on it will be taken with a grain of salt." Wilson smiled. "I'm surprised you formally scheduled these sessions though. I figured you would take five minutes in the bathroom."

"Cameron scheduled them. You can't trust secretaries anymore. No worry, her defiance of my wishes will be mentioned in her review."

Foreman walked into House's office.

"You see, right on time. He's trying to make a good impression even though it is too late." House directly looked at Foreman. "I don't recall you bringing me lunch or taking any extra clinic hours this week. Unless you put out like Cameron did, this won't go well."

Foreman gave him a "get real" look and sat down. "I'm ready when you are."

Wilson got up. "I don't want to interrupt quality time with your staff."

"You are a doctor, you are supposed to stomach carnage. Wimp!" House shouted as Wilson left the room.

"Come on House, I expect to take the full hour. I have questions." Foreman was eager to get started.

"Okay, here is the way it works. I hand you the review, you read it in its entirety while I sit here and watch you wince and squirm. After you are done, you can ask your questions and start your derogatory comments."

Foreman took the review from House and started reading. As he read through the pages he showed many faces. When he agreed he nodded and when he didn't he would mutter "what the…" under his breath in disgust. Somewhere around page three Foreman asked "What does this…"

"Nope." House stopped him. "Please hold all questions until after the tour."

After more reading, nodding, and cursing, Foreman finally finished. "The review sucks."

"Sucks? Wow, what a clever analysis. I would have said something a little wordier like, "It seems that your choice of comments does not agree with my personal viewpoint…"

"House, I am an excellent doctor. That review does not say that."

"I believe it says you are top notch neurologist. Were you looking for more than that?"

"Your criticisms have nothing to do with my abilities as a doctor. You blasted how I worked with the team and questioned some of my people skills. If that isn't the pot calling the kettle…"

"Black?" House jumped in finishing his sentence. "There you go using the race card again. Look, diagnosis isn't just about how you fix the problem. Anything is possible. You need your team to guide your decisions. That requires skills far beyond medical knowledge. You have to know what resources are available to you and how best to use them."

"I have consistently showed caring and compassion for the patients. I usually get great patient feedback..."

"People skills do not mean saying nice things and making everyone all comfy." House interrupted. "With diagnosis, people skills means that you have to know how to manipulate others into getting what you want without being all pig headed and defiant. When you have decided you are absolutely right, any possibilities at manipulation are gone."

"Unlike you, I have respect for rules. I thought you liked it when I challenged you." Foreman replied defiantly.

"This isn't about me. The boundaries you have created through rules is one of the reasons why you were hired. Your stubborn behavior though causes you to not see the full value brought by the other people on your team. Face it you have done some pretty crappy things to both Cameron and Chase. I'm surprised that they try to cover your back at all, but they do."

"How have I been crappy to them? I'm constantly bailing them out of situations."

"I'm so glad you understand my point." House sarcastically countered. "Thinking like that is what gets you into trouble. It isn't about you and how good you are. It is about how far you are willing to work the fine line of healing the patient and respecting your boundaries. That is where your team comes in. Someone on your team should be able to step in and cover your blind spots. You have yet to use Cameron and Chase in that capacity."

"How have I not?"

"You have worked with Chase for over a year. Why do you still believe he had a cushy upbringing? Have you actually talked with him? Do you still confuse his passive nature for laziness? Have you ever noticed that he has a deeply intuitive understanding of human behavior and motivation? Children of alcoholics usually do. Oops, did I say that?" House insincerely put his fingers up to his lips after blurting the last comment.

Foreman at first was surprised, but then remembered his conversation with Chase while searching Lucy's house. "I just saw that 'Eureka' moment in your eyes," continued House. "Why didn't you try to process that sooner?"

"Okay, I agree I don't have much respect for Chase, but Cam and I are good now."

"You actually think that? You stole her paper, tried to infect her with the same disease you had and you don't see that she still might resent that a bit?"

"She was there with me when I was dying."

"She's a doctor. It was her job. Do you know where Chase was? In the chapel consoling your father."

Foreman was silent and surprised to hear that. He looked down slightly ashamed of his comments.

"Get over yourself. Chase would have done that for anybody's father, not just yours. Cameron would have been by the side of any patient close to death, not just you. If you form such misconceptions and not really know the true nature and motivations of the people on your team, how in the world are you going to know it in a patient? That is the world of diagnostics right there. You need to look outside of what is obvious."

"So you wait until a forced performance review to share these shortcomings?" Foreman snapped back.

"You should be smart enough through experience to figure these things out on your own. That is how I judge your abilities. You don't need me to tell you. You see and keep trying to improve your actions with each case. The only reason you are hearing it now is because I had to do this."

"Yeah, well thank Cuddy for that." Foreman was rather livid now.

"Your job is to know the truth. You have to learn to stretch yourself further and where you can't stretch then someone on your team does. Once you get that, then you can have your perfect review. Any more questions?"

"What must I do next?"

"Sign here,"

Foreman signed his review, got his copy and left still furious.


	3. Cameron

"So, how did it go?" Cameron was rather anxious to see what happened as the three gathered in the doctors lounge after the review.

Foreman was still rather steamed. "House is an ass. Cuddy shouldn't force someone to do a task that involves being fair and objective. That concept is completely lost on House."

Cameron grabbed Foreman's review and started reading. "This isn't that bad at all. 'Dr. Foreman offers a unique procedural approach to his cases that greatly enhances the quality of the patient's care…He assures that compassion for the patients is not lost in following his standards for process…Dr. Foreman displays arrogance and confidence in a constructive manner when dealing with a sensitive situation…He adds an element of structure to the team that is sorely lost without him.'"'

"Yeah, well it isn't all that good and it should be." Foreman let the perfectionist inside him speak.

"Yes, he did blast you here in the section regarding working with your team. 'Dr. Foreman must learn to avoid stereotypes and misconceptions among his patients and co-workers. He at times interferes with the full potential of the team dynamic by often refusing to be empathetic and respectful to his team members.'"

"House must have pulled that off his own review." Chase chuckled slightly.

"Everything else here is very solid." Cameron observed as she finished reading.

"I'm better than solid." Foreman interjected. "I'm not sure what more he wants from me."

"Why isn't this exactly what you expected?" Chase was surprised by Foreman's reaction. "This is House. He doesn't see perfection in anyone nor does he give compliments. Not bad is good for House."

"You don't have to suck up here. House can't hear what we are talking about." Foreman said defensively. "Just wait until it is your turn. You won't be defending House then."

"Great point. It's all my fault." Chase sarcastically replied.

"Yes, actually it is your fault." Foreman shot back.

"Stop it!" Cameron had enough of their bickering. "We are supposed to support each other. House is difficult, but as we all have learned there is a method to his madness. Two more reviews to go and maybe we will get a clue about what he is up to."

Foreman and Chase both nodded in agreement.

"Good. In the meantime, you should be happy with what you got." Cameron said to Foreman. "Knowing House, it could have been way worse." Cameron of course was trying to reassure herself since her review was scheduled for tomorrow.

--------------------------------

Cameron sat in House's office alone, waiting for him to show up for their scheduled time. She knew he was avoiding her, but he couldn't avoid his office forever.

A half hour later House showed up. "I'm sorry, did we have something scheduled?"

"Don't worry, I cleared my entire afternoon in case you tried something," Cameron wasn't about to fall for his tricks.

House walked over to his desk and grabbed the packet he prepared. "Okay, start reading." He handed her the review.

Cameron took the documents and started reading. After a minute, she started asking questions. "What does this mean, my moral compass affects my abilities to objectively process a diagnosis?"

"It means you would be a better doctor if you got that stick out of your ass." House bluntly stated.

"I'm glad you didn't write it that way," Cameron calmly replied. "Care to elaborate a bit more?"

"You let your high ethical bias affect the quality of care delivered on quite a few occasions just because your hang-ups have you dealing with everything but the condition. You get obsessed with the wrong problem. It is our duty to treat the disease. Once we have done that, then you can go tell someone how he or she doesn't live up to your unreachable standards. Chase and Foreman do not let their moral ground prevent them from helping the patient. They also don't let their personal feelings affect them from being honest and direct about the situation."

"They let other biases stop them at times." Cameron argued.

"Ah, but last I looked, we were looking at Allison Cameron's performance issues."

"Fine, I'm going on," Cameron started reading more. "On occasion I have consulted with bad sources which have led to wrong choices? Where did that come from?"

"Again withholding specific examples in the written review are to your benefit, but since I'm thinking of one, how about taking a patient's crystal meth and then jumping an unsuspecting co-worker while stoned out of your mind? You didn't think that would come back to haunt you?"

"He wanted it too." She muttered under her breath in a sulking voice.

House was slightly disgusted. "Ew, I don't need that picture in my head. That example however also worked in your favor. See the part where I commend you for your exceptional methods in getting to know members of your team? Going on a date with your boss, sleeping with a colleague, you know how to work your male co-workers. You have to do what you can to get ahead in this male dominated field. Of course I wonder where the moral standards went during those times, but no matter."

"That all happened on my personal time and shouldn't be mentioned here, good or bad," Cameron defiantly stated.

"I don't give a damn if you drop meth daily and run to Chase every time you need to get off. Hell you both would be happier if you did. You did it because you let a patient get to you. Patients always lie. They might be kidding themselves into thinking they are telling the truth, but they are still lying. That is worth a mention."

"Okay, point taken. Moving on." She continued to read the review. "None of my skills as an Immunologist are in question."

"I wouldn't have hired you if you didn't know your specialty. It is my job to make you a better Diagnostician, not a better Immunologist."

"How about my diagnosis track record? Don't you keep track or something?"

"Yes, but you aren't winning. You were a great doctor when you came to me and nothing has changed so it's not worth noting."

Cameron read on. "'Dr. Cameron often struggles with analyzing the true complexity of the issues presented before her.' Now that requires a specific example. I'm usually very thorough with patient histories and checking all possible causes of their condition."

"Notice the word is 'issues', not 'cases'. Issues involve far more patients and their medical histories. Issues involve how you handle obstacles, your team members, and your own limitations. You have had many problems with this aspect."

"How so?"

"Let's for a minute forget how you waste an extraordinary amount of time on the phone calling social services when a patient or member of the patient's family does something you don't like. Let's forget how you actually do take no for an answer for some people and then stubbornly plow through for others. Let's forget how you are in Cuddy's office annoying the crap out of her the instant someone on your team or another doctor does something you don't like. Let's for kicks say all that is not important even though it takes away your focus on patient care. That leaves me to zero in on the most basic problem yet the most important. How do you utilize your team members?

"I'm not sure I understand the question. I often ask Chase and Foreman for consults."

"How well do you know Chase and Foreman?"

"Very well. We get along great."

"Alright, tell me about Chase's family."

"He's from Australia, his mother is dead, his dad was a doctor before he died, and Chase hates him." Cameron replied.

"Why?"

"He wouldn't tell me."

"Funny. He told me after I forced it out of him. What's Foreman's story? Do you know why he became a neurologist?"

"No." Cameron looked down feeling shameful.

"You need to learn how to get the truth out of people." House went into lecturing mode. "If you have to manipulate, fine, but getting to the truth is what diagnostics is all about. You have to know what your team members bring to the table because doctors aren't perfect. We don't know it all."

"Since when have you thought it was important to know a co-worker's personal history other than for your own amusement?"

"Have I taught you nothing? No piece of information is irrelevant, everybody lies, yada yada. Ring a bell? If you can't see through that in a co-worker, how are you going to tell it in a patient?"

"So if I know why Chase hates his father, I'm going to be better at diagnosing a patient?" Cameron had huge trouble with that logic.

"No, but your team will be better. You will understand his motivation, where he is coming from when he makes a conclusion. If a case mirrors something Chase or Foreman have experienced in their lives, then you are more than likely to see the relevance in the point of view presented and not quickly dismiss it."

"Has that happened before?" Cameron asked.

"Actually, yes it has. Luckily I know the history, so I'm able to filter all recommendations. Someday it will be your turn and you will need to know such things."

Cameron paused a moment to absorb what he was saying. He was right, but she resented having to her this now. "What is wrong with the idea of constructive criticism from time to time? Would it hurt for you to offer career guidance without the insults once in a while?"

"Boy, life sucks for you. You've got the wrong boss." House faked pity. "You were picked to be part of my team, so you have enough brains to figure things out yourself. Either you have the ability to learn or you don't. That is a question you have to answer for yourself."

"Anything else?" Cameron determined she had enough.

"Sign here."

-----------------------------

Cameron stormed into the room where Chase and Foreman were sitting.

"Yep, he's an ass." It was her turn to be completely frustrated.

Foreman started reading the review. "What does this mean? 'Dr. Cameron displays extraordinary sensibility when getting to know members of her team.'"

"House wasn't specific." Cameron looked at Chase and they shared a quick telling glance. They knew exactly what it meant.

"He had nice things to say too which is rare for him. "Dr. Cameron's abilities to diplomatically smooth over rough situations provide the team with a sorely needed center and balance. Her high moral standards do provide value at times where lines get fuzzy. Without her the team would struggle with balance and focus."

"Yeah, I did appreciate seeing that." Cameron noted.

"He was definitely harsher with you though." Foreman handed the review back to Cameron. "You're right, I can't complain. It could have been worse."

"Gee thanks," Cameron said as Foreman left the room.

"Are you okay?" Chase showed complete concern for Cameron's state of mind.

"Yeah, I'm fine. House really gave me good feedback even if it was hard to hear. Chase, why do you hate your father?"

"I don't hate him." He looked downward during his short reply.

"Why are you mad then? I know you didn't want to tell me before, but hopefully enough time has passed where you can talk about it."

"Why are you asking me this now? Did House say something to you?"

"Sort of. He told me I should know more about my team. Personal histories for team members are just as important as patients were his exact words. I have always wondered."

"House was wrong," said Chase. "He likes to use our personal histories against us for his own personal torment."

"No, he was right. I don't need every little detail or painful incident. If the question is too hard to answer, that's okay, but I thought I would try again."

Chase took a small breath and decided a quick answer would end this. "He left when I was 15. That is all you need to know."

"I'm alright with that. Thank you for at least giving me that much. How well do you think you know us?" Cameron was rather curious.

"Well enough where I know I can rely on you both when I need help."

"Do you know why Foreman became a neurologist?"

"His mother has Alzheimer's."

"How did you know that?" Cameron was surprised that he knew the answer.

"His father told me." Chase confessed.

"Wow, I have been putting on blinders. Sounds like I really need to change the way I look at things."

"Don't beat yourself up over it." Chase reassured her. "This job tends to make all of us not see things that are there. You are doing just fine. Don't let House get to you." Of course Chase was saying that to reassure himself. His turn was next.


	4. Chase

Chase made his way toward House's office at a snail's pace. Hopefully the delay of a few minutes would be enough time to get an emergency page and he would have to postpone. As he got closer he kept looking at his pager. _Come on ICU, don't let me down_. There would be no such luck though as he arrived and was spotted by House.

"Sorry, no emergencies will take you away from this. I made sure the ICU would leave you alone." House said as Chase stood in the doorway.

"You hate this as much as I do." Chase slowly entered looking down with his hands in his pockets. "I figured you would welcome any hope of procrastination."

"Your review is the one that got me into this mess. You knew I would overlook your fellowship expiring, but how long did you think Cuddy would have?"

Chase quietly tried to hide his guilty feeling. _I'm really in for it now. Maybe I will get a less cranky boss at my next job_.

"We end this now. Take your seat." House pointed to the chair in front of his desk. As soon as Chase sat down he handed him a packet. "You read, questions after, understand?"

Chase nodded and grabbed the papers. _Take it in stride, make it boring for him_. He took a breath and started reading.

Even though he had a week to prepare for this, Chase could not have possibly anticipated what was on the pages ahead. The first paragraph delivered an intense blow of disbelief, but he quickly calmed down knowing he was just getting started. With each sentence though, the puzzled look on his face and feeling of shock continued to become more and more intense. He kept shifting positions in his seat hoping that would bring some relief, but it didn't. He grew more and more uncomfortable as he turned each page. Half way through he had to pause for a few seconds to control himself.

House noticed Chase's long pause. "I knew I was going to make one of you cry. I should have figured it would be you."

Chase said nothing and continued reading. The break was exactly what he needed to get through the rest of the document. He noticed that House was watching with delight every moment of his angst. Finally, he finished reading and slowly placed his review down on House's desk. He was too stunned to speak and felt completely overwhelmed. He looked at House with a "what the hell was that?" gaze.

"Any questions?" House asked with a blank look.

"Very funny House. Where is the real review?" Chase did not believe a single word he read.

House handed him the last page of the packet and a pen. "Sign here."

Chase continued to glare at House with powerful skepticism. "Okay, I'll play along." He grabbed the page and pen from House and abruptly signed. He made the signature neater than normal so everyone knew it was indeed his official approval.

"You get an added bonus over the others. You get an extra page." House handed him another sheet of paper from his desk set aside especially for this moment.

Chase with continued cynicism took the paper from House and started reading the letter. His eyes shot wide open and his heart sank deep as he got through the entire contents. "My God, this is for real." Chase's defiant look now changed to one of shocked disbelief as he stared down his mentor.

"Time to go through your options. You'll need a little time off to work things out with the INS."

Chase slowly nodded in agreement and silently left the office visibly shaken by the entire experience.

House smiled. He did enjoy the moments when he could personally blow apart a reality to smithereens.

-----------------------------------------------

Chase went into the locker room so no one could see him fall apart. He reread the extra piece of paper that was absent from Foreman and Cameron's review. He didn't think House would ever do this. He never once believed it. This time, he let a tear or two slip by.

He was there only a few minutes before Cameron and Foreman found him. Upon hearing their approach, Chase quickly wiped away any evidence of his distress.

"Here you are." Cameron sat next to him. She looked into his weary and troubled eyes. "I can see it didn't go well. No wonder you didn't try to find us."

"Come on, how bad can it be?" Foreman grabbed the review that was sitting next to Chase on the bench.

"You really don't want to read that." Chase advised.

"Fair is fair. You read ours." Foreman started reading.

"No, actually I didn't, but go ahead." Chase let him continue.

Foreman got the same look of shock and surprise mirroring Chase when he was back in House's office. As he progressed through the pages though, he was also holding back a little rage. He had to be careful since he had to be fair to Chase. House did this, not him. Still, he couldn't believe what he was reading.

Cameron saw Foreman's looks and got very curious but worried. "Give me that. Is it that bad?"

As she started reading, Foreman left. He had seen enough.

"What is House up to this time?" Cameron asked as she leafed through the pages.

"I don't know." Chase was still shell shocked.

Cameron started reading from the review. "Dr. Chase without a doubt has one of the greatest diagnostic minds I have ever witnessed in my 20 plus years as a physician…His incredible ability to think outside the box and be open to all possibilities has given him an excellent track record with proper diagnosis…He intuitively understands behavior in patients and his team which allows him to uncover important information in a proper yet respectful way…His beside manner with patients stellar and he always rates highest on the team in the satisfaction surveys…His loss to this team and diagnostics would be detrimental."

Cameron was amazed by what she read. "He gave you the highest rating in every category. A review cannot be more perfect than this."

"Yeah, and I kept waiting the entire time for the "just kidding" part where he shows me the real document that would go on to Cuddy. I read this and got very uneasy thinking that I was yet another victim of a House cruel joke. Trust me he had a great time watching me struggle. Then he handed me this paper and I realized he already spoke to Cuddy."

He handed the letter to Cameron. She gasped as she read. "This is an offer to be an attending physician for the Department of Diagnostic Medicine under Dr. Gregory House. You would be the first attending under House. No one has ever gotten this far."

"Yeah, this is the real deal. I wasn't expecting this."

"You think everything he said in your review was for real or just so the hospital couldn't refuse you a position?" Cameron asked.

"It can't be real. You and I know better. That is why it is so disturbing. I still don't know what he thinks of me as a doctor. Once again, House gets his fun at the expense of me. He did do something extraordinary though and I benefited as well. That is even more disturbing."

Cameron smiled at Chase's distress. "What do you expect? This is House. He is never predictable."

------------------------------------------

"What the hell are you doing? You think this is all a joke?" Cameron yelled as she stormed into House's office.

"What could you be talking about?" House faked ignorance.

"You criticize Foreman and I back and forth, and then Chase, the one person who you constantly put down the most is the one you rated excellent without any bad comments? I thought sucking up was so beneath you. You made him look like employee of the year."

"How did you know what I said about Foreman and Chase?" He asked his question with phony naivety.

"Why did you give Chase that review?"

"Two reasons. First, I needed to justify creating an attending position in my department. That has always been a dream of mine." House gave a fake cry while pretending to wipe a tear from his eye.

Cameron glanced at him with intense disapproval, her arms crossed, obviously not buying into his act.

House continued, "Second, I bet Wilson $100 that all of you would read each other's reviews. Since I knew that Chase was the one who thought his review would be the worst, it was only logical that his would be the surprise." He wore a huge wicked grin on his face and was highly amused by this moment.

"You're incredible," Cameron said angrily.

"Who told you?" House fired back. "Sorry, I've used that one before. I need to brush up on my comebacks."

"So, does that mean in four months when my fellowship is up that I will get a perfect review? How will you justify that position?"

"You only get a perfect review if you have earned it. That is why your review was the harshest. If I gave Foreman a review like yours, he would dismiss it as me being a jerk. Hell, he is probably doing that now with a mediocre review. If I gave Chase the horrific review he likely deserved, he would just accept the abuse and not do anything about it. Where is the fun in that? I know that you will take my bad comments seriously and work harder. It all goes back to knowing how to motivate people."

"So fairness is completely lost then?" Cameron snipped.

"Don't give me your lectures on how unfair an unfair process is. You know this place way better than that. Have you considered that maybe for once Chase deserved something to go his way? Isn't giving him a reward for over two years of intense abuse and scrutiny somewhat fair?"

"Foreman and I were blasted for not knowing our team members. Chase didn't get a comment at all and he knows hardly anything about us."

"He knows way more than you think. It helps that he has the ear of every gossipy nurse in this hospital. He knows how to get information and what to do with it most of the time. He does that with the patients better than you or Foreman. So he doesn't share his personal history with you. He doesn't have to. You have to get it out of him, which is exactly how it works with the patients."

Cameron looked at him mad as hell, but unable to argue with that comment. She had a huge look of pouting on her face.

"So, while you sit here and have your little hissy fit over how you were so wronged, I've got to find Wilson and collect on my bet."

Cameron stood in the office continuing to sulk while House limped off feeling great that he was right again.

----------------------------------------

Chase silently entered House's office a few days after their bizarre meeting. He had mixed feelings about the attending position. Normally he would have jumped on it right away, but the review was still unsettling and he felt the position was hardly earned. Something just wasn't right about this.

House was sitting at his desk reading some new journal. Chase started talking without giving House a chance to acknowledge him first. "Look, the glowing review was really not necessary. Excessive compliments are not your style and your bet is settled. At worse I'm sure I could have found an Intensivist position in another department."

"Everything I said in that review was true," House noted. "Yes I did gloss over some, or actually all, of your weak areas, but when it comes to the aspects of working your team you are more skilled than the others. You have all the important qualities it takes to use a team for all they've got. You don't care what people think, you intuitively understand human behavior, you are capable of being both devious and sensitive which gives you a rare gift with manipulation that I even don't have, and like all of us you pre-judge but don't hold onto those judgments as sacred."

Chase's heart sunk. "The two years of badgering and insults..."

"Aren't ending here," House interrupted. "Notice I said you have all the qualities. It still doesn't mean you use them all. Your job is going to get much harder now. More will be expected of you. You will be required to put away those moments of self-doubt and step up. You can't continue to let people think you are being lazy instead of passive or you won't be taken seriously. You must recognize that what your team considers to be your weaknesses are actually your strengths and play those. You understand what makes your co-workers tick unfortunately the people pleaser inside of you prevents that information from being used for its full use. That people pleaser must be told to shut the hell up."

Chase stood there quietly listening, not showing an ounce of emotion. _This is more like the House he knows._

House continued. "Lucky for you, having a drunk mother and an absent father did you justice in the end. Abuse rolls off of you like water on your back. You know people's pain and what motivates them, skills that are a must for great diagnostician. You are too brilliant with diagnosis to be lost to another department."

Chase continued to hold his composure, but inside his heart was flushed. Sincere compliments were something House never gave.

"For the record, if the circumstances were even, all three of you would have gotten scathing reviews. As long as all of you choose to not learn from your weaknesses and build your team to its absolute potential, there will be no mercy from me. However, as is the case in all work environments, there is no even playing field. The circumstances worked to your favor for once. Enjoy this one brief and glorious moment of validation Dr. Chase, because it will never happen again."

That was all Chase needed to hear. "I accept," Chase confidently told House. House looked at him not surprised, but yet pleased that his young doctor understood.

"You might want to let Cuddy know." Chase instructed.

"I told her you accepted right after the review. She was pleased. I let her know we threw you a party and she got mad because we didn't invite her. Little did she know we didn't invite you either."

"I hope it was a good one." Chase played along with a huge smile.

"You know, Wilson, me, a few beers… then it gets kind of awkward."

Chase laughed hard at that comment. House always found ways to amuse him.

"You start first thing Monday. I expect you to be here on time. I'll make sure that Cameron tells me if you were or not." House declared sternly.

Chase smiled with assurance while he was leaving. "No worries."


	5. House

"Congratulations, Dr. Chase." Foreman held up his beer in a toast. Cameron and Chase mirrored the gesture in kind as they all sat together at a local bar.

"So now you have to deal with House forever. At this point I don't know who is crazier. You both deserve each other." Foreman joked.

Cameron was in complete agreement. "You will be at this point same time next year. I know I now have something to actually work for."

"I'm not sure House is someone I can work under forever. I'm keeping an open mind, but as of right now I see myself moving in a different direction." Foreman always knew this was a short term opportunity.

"House knows that." Chase remarked. Cameron and Foreman looked at him surprised by that observation. "He also knows you don't like him very much."

"I don't hate him. I'm just not afraid of him and his complete lack of respect for the rules. If he sees my persistence as hate, so be it." Foreman clarified.

"I didn't say hate," specified Chase. "He knows as a person you don't like him very much. As a doctor, he thinks you are in awe of him. He thinks that of everyone though."

As Foreman was trying to come up for an answer, Cameron decided to change the subject. "So, if you had to write the review, how would you rate the great Dr. House?" Cameron asked with a little devilish grin on her face.

Foreman's face lit up. Now this was a question he would answer with delight. "If I were writing his review, I would comment extensively on his reckless propensity for short cuts. His impatience will bite him one day."

"How do you know it hasn't already?" Chase smiled at the notion.

"Good point." Foreman believed that statement. "It did get him kicked out of Hopkins. It must have happened again sometime in his medical career. I just don't understand his luck. How is it that he has been able to have such a blatant disregard for boundaries and procedures and not be fired or ruined? I'm sure that has come up on his performance reviews countless times. How is it that not only does he manage to still have a career, but a brilliant one? He even got the board to bounce a huge benefactor in Vogler rather than lose his job. Is he that good?"

"Yes." Cameron always believed the genius of her mentor. "Although, you have to admit his luck is amazing. You often wonder if it will run out one day. Law of averages if anything."

Chase had an easy answer for Cameron. "It isn't luck. He's a strategist. He knows exactly what to do to ensure his survival. You think he puts up with Cuddy for fun? Okay, he does, but he also knows it is to his benefit to have her around. As long as she is there to protect him, he can do what he wants. They work each other brilliantly."

"You weren't thinking that when you went to Vogler." Foreman threw that back at Chase.

Cameron was surprised to hear that come from Foreman. She looked at Chase who didn't even flinch by the comment.

"I was an idiot." Chase responded in a humble tone. "I doubted House once and paid dearly for it. I will never do that again. Time and time again, he has always come through."

"Even so, that doesn't excuse his disregard for rules. His obsessive nature to solve a problem at all costs is dangerous to the patients, the hospital, and us." Foreman argued.

"Ah, but that is exactly why we are here." Cameron countered. "He built a team that could throw those roadblocks in front of him so he wouldn't go too far. We are the perfect compliment to his weaknesses."

Foreman still wasn't buying it. "In the end he always gets the final word. He can't be controlled or stopped once he is convinced he is right, so we only work to a point. His contempt for patients and their pain is insulting."

"That's not true." Cameron couldn't disagree more. "He cares about patient's pain very much. I have seen him. When someone is in pain, he actually empathizes. He knows pain better than anyone. He won't let pain though stop him from getting to the bottom of the disease though. He thinks he is serving the greater good by fixing the problem."

"You mean unraveling the mystery. He doesn't treat patients or their families with any respect. He doesn't want to take time to stop to tell people what he is doing and why he is doing it. He would avoid so much more conflict and strife if he just took that time." Foreman didn't understand House's mindset.

"Yeah, but that is not who he is," jumped in Chase. "You can't force someone who has a lifetime of underdeveloped social skills to suddenly play nice. He has likely been alienated from people his entire life because he was different. We know he was never in one place growing up. He got into medicine because of the science, not the people. I suspect that he never even wanted to be a doctor, but found out at some point he was actually good at it."

Cameron and Foreman looked at Chase like he was on something. Foreman disagreed. "House, not knowing what he wanted? I don't buy it."

Cameron had another question. "What about his inability to learn from his own mistakes? He seemed to do a great job blasting us on that."

Chase had a quick answer. "He blasted us for not knowing how to capitalize on each other's strengths when our weaknesses were exposed. You have to give him credit. He knows his limitations and does what he can to get other people to stretch where he can't. Of course in pursuit of pushing limits he can be abusive, degrading, mean, manipulative, and just plain crazy, but he gets results. I'm still surprised by all he can pull off."

Cameron and Foreman paused to think about Chase's comment. They had to admit, he was right.

"So then, do you think he respects us or needs us?" Cameron continued. "I often have trouble understanding his behavior in that regard. He's so damn inconsistent."

"He doesn't respect anybody." Foreman answered. "On that alone, he needs us. Even House knows that a good doctor can't go it alone, even if he prefers it."

Cameron and Foreman then looked at Chase who remained quiet. "What?" Chase felt like he was being accused of something.

"Where's the psychoanalysis? You surely have to have that one figured out." Foreman asked.

"He respects us and needs us. I'm leaving it at that."

"Chicken." Cameron teased. They all took a collective pause, realizing that deconstructing House was an exhausting and mind-numbing effort.

"How can anyone respect anybody if they have no respect for themselves?" Cameron was obviously still thinking about the point.

"I don't want to go there." Foreman said. "If House wants to destroy himself, so be it, just as long as he doesn't kill a patient doing it."

"Shouldn't we be trying to prevent that though?" Cameron was very concerned. "Would you mention anything in his review about his vicodin use? We know that it has likely progressed from pain management to addiction, yet no one seems to make it an issue with him. Do you think he would make good decisions without it?"

Foreman chose to avoid intense speculation. "That's a fine line that luckily we haven't had to cross yet. I would never put that on a review though unless a patient was harmed and we have no evidence of that. I think we are going to have to address it eventually, or at least Chase here. Hopefully I'll be gone by the time he crashes."

"House knows that we are watching the signs." Chase knew the mentality of his boss. "Maybe that is one reason why he gave all the negative comments about not being observant. He wants us to know when he has gone too far without having to tell us."

"Wow that is scary. Do you think any one of us will end up like House?" Cameron asked.

"What a brilliant doctor or miserable and alone?" Chase needed clarification.

"Both. Maybe you can't be one without the other."

"Of course you can be a brilliant doctor without being a mild sociopath." Foreman noted. "All geniuses have their eccentricities, but they aren't like that."

"Which one of us is most like him now?" Cameron showed her wicked smile again.

They all paused for a long moment to ponder that question. "None of us are close," Foreman replied. "I have respect for the rules, you have a high moral standard, and Chase has a superior beside manner. House has none of that."

"I said most like," clarified Cameron, "not exactly like. Who follows his patterned thinking, his ability to manipulate, and his reckless pursuit of the truth? Who knows how to work people to get what they need without getting fired?"

They all looked at each other again. Despite the plausibility of the question, they were pursuing it anyway because it was a curious notion.

"Chase. If you use that criteria, he is the closest." Foreman declared confidently.

"How so?" Chase was surprised and not convinced. "When it comes to being stubborn and not backing down, you and him are most alike."

Foreman clarified his answer. "House has the ability to get into people's heads. So do you, even though you are much quieter and far less arrogant about it. House has the ability to think outside of what is likely and quickly analyze all the variables no matter how remote. So do you and often haven't argued with him about a diagnosis because you believed he was right. House is able to bully people into getting what he wants. You don't bully, but you do manipulate. Your nature is far more affable though as you get to people through kindness and sympathy. When it comes to a reckless pursuit of the truth though, Cameron has you beat there."

"Me?" It was Cameron's turn to be surprised. "How do you think that?"

"I might be in House's face all the time and match his arrogance, but face it, out of all of us, you are the most stubborn and won't stop at anything if you believe the cause is right. Don't worry though, it works to your advantage here."

Cameron tried to speak but stumbled on her words. "You brought it up, not me." Foreman said defending his answer. Chase just sat there smiling.

"Okay, fine. What else haven't we covered?" Cameron asked.

Foreman took a few seconds to think about it. "I don't know, but I don't ever want to be Cuddy. If I had to do House's review or be responsible for his antics on a permanent basis, I would be completely insane in no time. Hell, I went insane after 4 weeks."

"Funny, because I always pictured you having Cuddy's job one day." Chase told Foreman. "You have everything it takes to be a great hospital administrator. Let's hope House is dead before you get that job."

"Who do you think I'm likely to end up like?" Cameron asked Chase. "Since you decided to go down that slippery slope, so far we have you most like House, and Foreman will be the next Cuddy, so I am…"

"Wilson."

"Huh." Cameron processed that response. A smile drew on her face. "I actually like that. You see a lot of Dr. Wilson in me?"

Chase and Foreman both chimed in together. "Yes."

"Well, we have to survive our time with Dr. House first." Cameron didn't want to get too far ahead of herself.

"Isn't it strange that House doesn't want us to be exactly like him, even though he is trying to groom us to think exactly like him." Chase wore an antagonistic smile. "Kind of fascinating isn't it, being part of that double standard."

"I need another beer to face that prospect. Anyone else want one?" Cameron grabbed for some money in her pocket.

"Yeah, I'll have another." Chase went for his wallet.

Foreman finished his beer and got up to leave. "Sorry to bail on this little celebration, but I have a date tonight. Thanks for the completely disturbing conversation."

"Later." Cameron and Chase said in unison as Foreman left the bar.

Cameron got the two beers and came back to the table. "In the mood for a little pool? I'll let you break." Chase challenged her with a big smile.

Cameron smiled. "Why yes, but you know I suck at it. You just like winning."

Cameron and Chase headed over to the pool table with beers in hand. He put the quarters in the slots, retrieved the balls then lined them up in a perfect triangle on the table. Cameron took her breaking shot. It was weak and not one ball fell into a pocket.

"My turn." Chase grinned knowing his competitive advantage. "This looks like it will be easy."

As Cameron watched Chase sink one ball after another, she got the urge to bring up something that had been troubling her for days.

"Your mother was an alcoholic." Cameron told Chase as he lined up to take the next shot.

He stood up, stared at her blankly and said nothing.

"I thought about it and looked at all the signs. You have all the symptoms of an adult child of an alcoholic. I know it couldn't be your father since he was such a skilled doctor."

Chase bent down and resumed lining up his shot with the pool cue and stick. "I'm surprised it took you this long to figure it out." He sunk another ball in the right corner pocket and then calmly walked over to Cameron. "Especially since your dad was a drunk too."

Cameron's sunken eyes popped out of her head and her mouth hung wide open. "How did you…?"

"Shh," he said as he put his fingers to her lips. "Remember one of the classic signs is that we don't like to talk about it."

Chase continued his turn at the pool table while Cameron stood there stunned. House was right. He did know way more than she thought.


End file.
